Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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