he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
