I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
