Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
