roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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