I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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