then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The best revenge is premature balding
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
