yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
