I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
