He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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