Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
