Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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