i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ugly people sure do ruin things
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
