My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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