Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When are your genitals available?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
