tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
