I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
