Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
