Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
