Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
