1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize