i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
ttyl tear gas
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
