Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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