I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need to calm my uterus...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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