We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize