Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
