i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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