Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
