they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
