I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
