Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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