VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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