so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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