How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
