Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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