Only a mothe r could love this liver
everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
