I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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