Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
