Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
its liver damage thursday
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
