Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
