he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
