That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
