the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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