no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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