That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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