i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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