i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize