just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
