plz talk dirty to me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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