he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
