i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
