What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
