y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
