i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
