im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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