I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize