end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
