well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
