i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize