But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
