There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
