dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
