So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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