My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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